I haven’t talked about this yet, but I’m in a relationship with someone! We have been talking since
September, hanging out a lot since January, and we just officially started dating last week. Though, we have been acting like a couple for a long while now.
**Side note: this is NOT the person I was seeing around october-december as a fling.
I’m really happy and I really like them. I think that it’s a good thing that we hung out A LOT before becoming official. It makes me feel like this is something that will not be so temporary.
Today, I brought up Molly. I don’t remember how she was brought up but eventually, I just came out and told him that I was in a serious relationship with someone for two years and then they died.
They said, that they didn’t want to tell me, but that they had found my instagram before we had met in January. And so they saw the post I made when Molly passed away. But since he didn’t think I wanted him to see that, he just never said anything about it. I think that was really nice of him… to have let me tell him when I feel ready to tell him, rather than him asking because he’s curious. I don’t know. That kind of really meant a lot to me.
I told him that I hadn’t come out with it at first because I didn’t want him to think I had a lot of baggage, because even though I am sad every day about her and I cry about her a lot, I think that I manage my grief well. I am at a place where I don’t let it interfere with my personal relationships anymore. I don’t try to isolate and feed into the sadness.
I asked him if it made him nervous or uncomfortable, that I had loved someone so much and still feel so much grief, but am dating him. He said no, and that he understands. He said that he thinks I’m really strong emotionally and mentally and that he doesn’t know how he’d be if he went through something similar.
It was such a huge fucking relief. It has been something that I think about all the time… needing to tell him about Molly. But I hadn’t because I was afraid of what he might think. I’m so glad that he’s so understanding and talked about it with me. It just felt really supportive from his end. It is hard to talk about with anyone. I don’t talk about it with anyone, really, because the feelings are still very raw. I think that they will still be raw for a very, very long time.
But this is a really good step forward for me and I wanted to share this moment with you guys because it was really important to me.