The suicidal thoughts are back.

Honestly, I always have suicidal thoughts. There is no day that I don’t have them. But they are feeling very intense lately, and aren’t just “wow everything fucking sucks, I wish I was dead” fleeting thoughts. They’re more like, “you’re worthless and no one even likes you. You’re always going to be alone and there is no point in even moving forward.”

I feel very lonely and I have started to isolate again. I have started to push people away again. I hate myself and I don’t want people seeing me like this. But I also want validation and I want reassurance. 

I feel so fucked up lately lol I don’t know how to fix these feelings. I do everything I’m “supposed” to. I go to therapy regularly, I see my psychiatrist,  I don’t forget to take my meds, I exercise, I eat all right. Like..? I just want to be fixed. 


One thought on “Lately

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s