This time around for school, I have no support system.
Right now, I am a part time student and I also work 24 hours a week. It has been difficult. I am part time, but the classes I am taking are very hard. They require a lot of outside work, like tutoring, lots of memorization, etc. I don’t live close to the college –I live an hour away. So going to tutoring and getting help is very difficult and a type of chore in and of itself.
My parents haven’t been very helpful this time around. My mom helped me pay for some of my classes this term, but told me that she wouldn’t do it for next term. So I am having to save up my paycheck money. Which is also hard because no one gives me gas money or money for essentials, and that all has to come out of my paycheck. I get paid minimum wage. So basically, I never have any money.
Molly used to be my support system. She was pretty much the only constant force in my life. I don’t feel comfortable going to my friends. Or at least, I even feel like they don’t want to talk to me. I feel like a burden. It feels like all the people I used to go to, were just as sad as me. But they’re better now, and so they’re not sad, and they probably don’t want to relate to the sadness. So I stay away. I’m single, and basically only have flings. But you can’t spill out how you’re feeling to booty calls. That just isn’t how that works out.
I have been isolating a lot lately. I can’t remember if I’ve written about this on here yet, but I am experiencing psychosis. I haven’t experienced this ever before and it is really scary. I am really paranoid about everything and everybody. I am hallucinating and am hearing things that aren’t really there and aren’t really happening. I really don’t like it. I don’t know how to make it go away. I had gotten a med increase just a week ago, and this started a little over a week ago. My therapist says to give it a couple more weeks, to see if it is actually the medicine and to see if we will have to do something about it.
Anyway, I am pretty proud of myself this term though. I am having the hardest time and I am having so many different obstacles being thrown my way, but for the most part, I am (sort of) sane. I am trying my best. I am doing ok.