My mental illness causes me to have outbursts. It is caused by criticism.
No one is required to deal with me. No one has to take my shit. And I guess, even though I know that I am sometimes the one in the wrong, it can get very lonely. Having bipolar disorder can get very lonesome.
I got upset with my mom because she criticized me on something, or that’s how I took it. I can never tell if I’m the one being over sensitive or not. I can never tell if my feelings are valid.
Anyway, when I said that I wasn’t mad but I was annoyed, she said she was “fucking sick of it.”
She yelled to me “I am fucking sick of you”
And though I know that it was just something that she said in the moment –something that slipped out –it still hurt very much.
I feel so alone and I know my mom didn’t mean it. She’s not sick of me. She’s sick of my mental illness.
But that’s part of me and I can’t help it.