I’m getting bad again 

I almost sliced my wrists open today

The feeling of being a burden is growing to be more prevalent each day. Growing and growing and growing. A monster inside with an insatiable hunger.
I wanted to. I had the blade pressed tightly against my skin. But I didn’t. Do I really want to die? I do. But then the feeling of being a burden in terms of having an effect on my family saddens me. If I killed myself, my mom wouldn’t pass her classes. She needs one more to graduate as a nurse. My dad isn’t currently here. He is in Mexico and will be back tomorrow. How would he feel if he wasn’t able to see me. Who would cover for me at work. Who would take care of my dog. Who would drive my brother to school and help him with homework. 

I am so back and forth. I want to kill myself because I am a burden. But I don’t want to kill myself because I’ll be a burden then too.

How fucking unfair 

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