positivity steps

i’m trying to come to terms that i will, again, probably fail the class i am currently taking. I’m quite disappointed in myself because i kept pumping myself up but i just never made it happen. the bad thing is, is that for each time you take a core science class, the harder it is to get into the program i would like to get into. understandably, though. if you think about it (this isn’t my field) but if you had a doctor that got a C in core classes that have to do with the human body, would you feel as comfortable? probably not. But I will re-take the class. And I will try to be ok.

I know that my parents will be very disappointed. But I’ve got to give myself some credit, I have been having a really rough year. My significant other battled an addiction for such a long time, until I had nothing left to give and we ended up just breaking up. We were both sad, but shed no tears. There just wasn’t anything left to say. I feel like that was the thing that really messed me up. I was putting so much effort into having someone else be ok, that I completely forgot to make sure that I was ok too.

I’ve decided to take steps towards being a more positive person. I have realized that I am very negative, and I realized this because of the bad date I went on. I just feel like it isn’t just being an introvert, and it isn’t just me being shy. Some people radiate happiness. And that’s ok. But I feel like I radiate negativity, and that isn’t ok with me.

I keep trying to re-route my negative thoughts. It is quite a challenge, especially because my eating disorder has been really bad (which completely fucked with my blood pressure and even though I’ve been eating regularly the past two days, i still get very dizzy and lightheaded whenever I move due to not eating at all for a couple of days).

But I am trying. And that’s got to count for something, right?

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