All or Nothing

I live with extremities. I cannot do something half assed. It has to be all or nothing for me.

My eating disorder is getting bad again. It started very suddenly. A few days ago, I just looked at myself in a picture and it really upset me. I hate the way I look in every single aspect. That’s when it all started.

I haven’t eaten for three days. I got dizzy today any time I moved. The feeling of emptiness felt good. I didn’t feel hungry. I felt fine. I felt like I was in control of something for once.

A couple minutes ago, I had a really big binge session and I’m so upset with myself. I feel like it was all for nothing. My life is such a mess. No one wants to be with me. Those that do end up getting pushed away because my mind twists things around and makes me think they don’t like me.

I feel like I annoy everyone. I annoy myself. I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I’m doing.

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