Monthly Archives: January 2016

Letting go of someone you are still in love with

My significant other relapsed today. They came home from rehab less than two weeks ago. They had been there for seven months, in and out of different rehab centers. They have relapsed three times in the time they have been home.
When this all first started, I would spend hours and hours reading articles about why addicts do the things that they do. I tried so hard not to believe that the addict loves the drug more than any relationship they had. I tried so hard to believe that if I supported my S/O and stayed with them through it all, that they would eventually get better. It’s been almost a year since this all started. I broke up with them today. It hurts my heart so badly.

I wanted to marry them. I wanted to have kids with them. I really thought that they were the person I would spend the rest of my life with.
I don’t have the capability to continue.
So how do you deal with letting go of someone you are still completely in love with? How do you let go of the most incredible person you know? Your best friend?

I don’t quite know. I suppose we’ll find out.

Are you unhappy with people or are you unhappy with yourself?

When I found out that jami, my girlfriend, was coming home after 7 months in rehab, I was so happy. I thought I’m so glad that she’s sober and doing better and things will be so much better for us.

But life goes on, and things don’t stop happening.

So yes, we are together. But we don’t talk much. And I hate her best friend. But I’m in the wrong, supposedly. I’m just being so crazy, like always.
I think to myself, “why is this happening, and why are things like this? I stuck around. I’ve stuck around through everything.”
But the reality of things are, no one owes me shit. I was the one that decided to stick around. No one needed me. And it’s a little hard to face those sort of facts.

I think that if I died, I would be a huge weight off of everyone’s shoulders.

It makes me sad that no one cares about me. But I’m just dead weight to them. Hopelessly dragging myself around. 

If I died, I think I really sincerely think that things would be better.

After all, things happen for a reason, don’t they?