I have been taking medication for two weeks now and I am starting to feel the effects of it.
I was on a lot of medication in the past, and I stopped taking everything in November of 2014. I was continually forgetting to take it and so I decided to just cut, cold-turkey. I felt really good for maybe three months but then started feeling really, really bad again. Thinking back, I was probably cycling. Do cycles even last that long?
Anyway. I have been on fluoxetine (prozac) and lamictal (lamotrigine) for two weeks now. Prozac is for depression and lamotrigine is used as a mood stabilizer. I feel the effects because I am feeling a little better. I don’t feel as erratic and am able to stay calm in stressful situations (though I exhibit the normal levels of anxiety).
One of my old psychiatrists once told me that things could get better for me. She said, “who knows, maybe someday you won’t have to take any medication!”
But I don’t think that will ever be the case for me. I think that I will always have to take something just to stay sane. Therapy is not enough. Exercise is not enough. Vitamins are not enough.
However, with “feeling better,” this does not mean feeling content or happy for me. It means that I don’t feel the depression and sadness as much. I feel apathetic or numbed out. Which is what I hated last time but I guess I don’t mind it this time.
My mom says that there is no magic pill. That no pill will fix me. But what else can I turn to when I already do everything recommended by doctors?