I feel like I really don’t have a good support system and I don’t even know where to begin to find one.
This week has been really horrible for me. My dad basically hates me and refuses to even acknowledge me. My girlfriend went to the hospital for inhalant abuse (she’s home now and is doing much better btw). I was really sad about my girlfriend being in the hospital and was very depressed the next day –my mom took it personally and responds in a gas lighting manner and doesn’t talk to me either.
The intrusive thoughts screaming “no one loves you!! No one loves you!! No one fucking cares about you!!” Don’t seem like intrusive thoughts anymore, they feel like reality.
I feel like I’m in those cartoons where one of the characters is running on a bridge and the bridge is quickly deteriorating behind them. Or when they’re trying to climb a rope quickly but they then start grasping at air because they’ve run out of rope.
I feel like I am exhausting my support options. I have gone to the doctor twice expressing that I really am not feeling good and that the medicine isn’t helping. They can’t help me because they don’t specialize in that. I tried making an appointment with a psychiatrist. The earliest I could get was in August. All the other psychiatrists in the area are not accepting new patients.
I wish, mostly, that when my parents say that they care and that they want a family therapy meeting, that they actually meant it. I wish that when they say they understand, that they actually did understand. I wish that when they say that they’re there for me, that they actually were there for me.