I found a good therapist. She’s very nice. After I told her some of the feelings I have been having just in general and also related to my accident, she said, “you sound really depressed.”
Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.
I am working with two other doctors besides her that she referred me to because I’m all sorts of fucked up.
I also got a job. My first real job. But I’m also quitting within the week. It is really, really hard work and though I know I can get used to it, I cannot get used to the people. Having to work really hard, at a quick pace is very difficult in combination with shitty coworkers.
I work in the deli department in a chain grocery store. We serve cold salads, lunch meats, and hot prepared foods. I like interacting with customers so often on a daily basis, and I don’t mind much that it is hard work. But I cannot stand my coworkers. I know that in every job environment, you find people that you don’t like. But It is getting to be too much for me. I almost had a panic attack the other day. Everyone at my job, with the exception of a few people, is just looking and waiting to see who does something wrong. So they can report it and ridicule you.
But, with quitting my job, it also brings on a lot of feelings. I am feeling very worthless because I’m not doing well in my anatomy class, and I can’t even keep a job. A job that doesn’t even require education. I feel so incredibly stupid. Like I can’t do anything right.
I’m feeling very sad and depressed lately. It comes and goes in spurts.