I got into a car accident

I  had a car accident last night.

It was near up up to one in the morning and I was driving back from my girlfriends house. It takes two hours to get to and from there. I was on the highway and everything was fine. I’m a good driver. I was safe and had no distractions.
I had my brights on, because it was very dark. I was in the right lane, not the passing lane. I saw a big deer standing right in the middle of the right lane. I tried to go into the passing lane, so as to not hit it.
Immediately, my car swerved out of control. I remember keeping my hands on the wheel, trying to control my car.
And then I went sideways. Hit the concrete wall on the left side. Then swerved again and my car flew on its side. I saw sparks from the asphalt ground hitting the aluminum shell of my car. I remember clearly thinking, “oh god, I’m going to die.” And right as my car ricocheted and whiplashed to hit the concrete wall on the right side, head on, I remember it being really slow, and I screamed, “no, please.”
And then just silence. 
I was blocking both lanes, where cars go 65 mph. Some guys got out to help me because I was in shock. 
My car was totaled. Everyone says I am lucky to be alive, with only burn marks and bruises from my seatbelt.
I am very sad. But feel very lucky. I mostly feel stupid. Everyone says don’t swerve to miss hitting an animal, but what if the animal is really big? 
I remember seeing the deer, since I had the brights on. She just looked at me.
The deer ended up getting hit because meanwhile I was having my car accident, some other girl hit the deer and also had to call the police and tow truck.
I was in shock the entire way to the hospital. I remember just blankly staring at everything.
Funny thing is, there were other people in the waiting room. I remember ignoring them but also thinking, “I wonder if they’re thinking bad thoughts of me.”
Even when I’m hurt and in shock, my OCD is always a constant reminder that I’m fucked up.
I don’t feel good about myself. I’m scared because I’ll have to drive on that same highway to get to class on Monday.
My screams and plea of not wanting to die keeping replaying in my mind.



I was told that what happened to me was a miracle because my car is entirely fucked up. 


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