Sometimes, I feel like in relationships with me, the love and surprises I have for one person are on a limited supply. Not that the love I have for them ever runs out but that they are constantly wringing me and wringing me out for my love, that they just get used to it. So it doesn’t feel “special” anymore. And I’ll just be thrown away, like an old, dirty towel that has been wrung out beyond it’s life span.
I don’t know if I actually feel this way or if I’m just feeling this way right now, but with my relationship between my partner and me, I feel like I’m out of surprises. There is nothing left in me and my partner has grown accustomed to me. There’s no life in wanting to talk to me anymore. There’s no life in wanting to spend time with me. Because they know what’s going to happen. There’s nothing different. Spending time with me is just something to do when they’re bored, not something they’re looking forward to.
I’m feeling very sad and lifeless. I feel like there is nothing more to me. I feel empty. I feel wrung out of all that was left in me.