I am running out of time

I am not feeling good this week. I don’t feel myself. I realize I am in a hypo manic state.

I am feeling really shitty about myself and I have feelings of wanting to die and feeling like nothing matters and that everything is worthless. I feel worthless. Deep down, I know I am not. But that is very deep down. It is like a little voice telling me, “you’re worth something!” But there’s also a loud, booming voice that is screaming, “YOURE WORTHLESS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU BIG FUCK UP?”
I have been perceiving especially like in my relationship, my partner responds to me in a rude or annoyed manner. And I perceive it as such. But then I think, are they really being rude to me or am I just thinking it is this way because I am in a hypo manic state? Is this actually happening or is this just me? Even after asking myself those questions, it’s hard to differentiate what is actually happening. I will think, should I bring up to my partner that they’re being rude? But what if I do and they don’t know what I’m talking about? Is this all in my head? I really don’t know.
I feel very alone. Like no one cares or has time for me. Not even myself. I can’t take care of myself, it feels like, because I have too many other things going on.
It feels like, for some reason, I am running out of time.
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7 thoughts on “I am running out of time

  1. I feel to that no ones cares. But i found some good online friends. I trust them more that people from my real life. They saved my life. Maybe u can find some to. Its easy to find people with common intrestes. ♡♡♡ u can do this.

  2. I think in the hypomanic state, people get really irritable. Maybe that is what’s happening. I know I am just a cyber person but I do care. I hope your symptoms ease a little and you can get some rest. hugs lily

  3. I have this same issue with bipolar. I could not get one of my meds for the month of March. And everything felt like you stated, and sometimes even with the meds, like all my family was and are being cruel and rude to me. I feel for you in it all.

  4. Listen to me – I have been where you are now and still live there part of the time. Go – NOW if you can – and read through my blog. Not because I want to promote it, but because I promised myself that if I was able to some day I would chronicle the struggle – to help folks like you who are wondering if it is worth existing for that slim hope. I felt worthless too – and now I can say that I have left something worthwhile behind. And THAT, my friend, is worth all of the Celexa and Buspar in the world. And it is absolutely nothing that you too cannot do – we help each other. We pass it on. I will be thinking of you and sending all of my healing and positive thoughts your way! Stay tough!

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