I am trying

Sometimes, with my bipolar disorder, it is hard to control my feelings. Sometimes I will feel very agitated and irritated and it is hard to not project that upon others, even if they have no reason as to why I am feeling what I am feeling.

When I get angry and project my feelings on someone, I will raise my voice at them or reply in a very annoyed manner.
Later, I will realize that I’m not actually mad at them but it’s just me. I will try to apologize but the harm has already been done.
This happened today with my mom. My mom and brother talk to me the most out of our family and so it just so happens that I project most of my feelings towards them. The same happened when I would only see my partner while I was away at university.
My mom woke me up and I yelled at her and responded to her in a rude manner. She has been angry with me all day and I apologized to her and told her that I didn’t mean to reply in such a way and she said in a mocking manner, “yeah, i believe you.”
I want so badly for my mom to understand that it’s not ME doing this, it’s my mental illness. And I’m trying, I really am.

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