On dating an addict

You are expecting a relapse every time your partner goes out. And when it happens, your heart aches so badly, it’s hard to get through the night.

Every time my partner goes out with his friends, they use substances that defer their recovery. It’s hard not to get angry and disappointed because recovery is something that you both work so hard towards.
It makes me angry because it always happens when they’re out with friends. It’s all their friends know to do. But it’s not like you can just tell your partner, “stop hanging out with your friends, they’re a bad influence!”
It makes me disappointed because even I stopped using any substances in an attempt to show support.
You can tell that I’m writing this in the moment, right?
I’m just angry. Angry and sad and betrayed.
It makes me angry when they use any substance, even the one they’re not addicted to. In my mind, there’s a reason why in rehab you’re not supposed to use any kind of substances.

It’s hard dating an addict. A former addict. Whatever you want to call it. It’s hard to not want to blame them or anyone when they relapse.It’s hard to try to show support when you’re constantly being kicked down and ignored. It’s hard to want to try when your best efforts go unappreciated.
But you also know that it’s hard for them. That maybe they do appreciate everything you do but their own need for a substance gets the better of them.
It’s hard to know how to show support.

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