Jamie is Moving

Jamie is going to be living in a new space and what this means is that I can’t stay the night anymore.
It really sucks and I try to be understanding because I also understand that Jamie will be happier in this new place.
And I don’t NEED to stay the night.. It’s just that I’ve gotten used to staying the night at their place over on the weekend.
It just sucks so fucking bad. And I’m
Trying to be supportive and a “good sport” about it but in reality, it makes me anxious and sick to my stomach because it makes me feel like we are drifting away.
Something as simple as being able to lie next to each other for the weekend, and we cannot have that anymore.
It sucks so bad.
I would never tell this to Jamie. Which, in a way, makes me a coward. But I don’t ever want them to not take an opportunity of something because of me.
So I’ll just vent.
We had thought, “oh, maybe, I can stay with some of Jamie’s friends over the weekend since I can’t stay with Jamie themselves”
But I can’t even get the guts to look any of Jamie’s friends in their eyes. They are all so confident and well put together and so cute.
I’m a fucking jumbled up mess and I cry too much and I pretend like I know about what’s going on in my life.
I’m inadequate.
A shit-stain on the drawers of despair.
I fucking hate myself, and it’s written in permanent gold ink all over my face.


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