I am a ticking time bomb

Of emotions. I just helped my dad scrape a lot of snow out of the driveway and it was really hard. He kept telling me to do it a certain way but I told him that I had to so it a different way because the way he wanted me to do it was too hard for me. I guess he took that as complaining and he told my mom. When I got in, feeling scolded and hurt but also proud because I shoveled a lot of snow, my mom told me that my dad was sick of me. I couldn’t take it anymore. It felt so unfair. I helped out so much but it wasn’t appreciated.
It’s like this with all situations, in a way. If I get in trouble or overwhelmed, it’s like the key to my grenade was taken off and I am just waiting to see how long it takes me to explode.
What a bummer. I feel so worthless. The feelings of wanting to self harm are coming back and I want to purge and I want to binge and I want to harm myself in every way possible but I won’t because I’m a coward.

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