January 30th, 2014

Today was an ok day. I skipped my Spanish class again. I guess we had a project due and I forgot to do it. I will not be skipping any more classes and I think I will put in my resignation request for city council so that I don’t leave halfway through Spanish class again. Spanish class is the class I hate the most. It is a combination of doing things that are too easy for me, making them a nuisance. My instructor is actually really nice but I feel spiteful towards her because she cares too much. I can see how irritated and disappointed she is when I don’t turn something in and that creates an angry feeling inside of me. Regardless, I’m going to stop skipping so many classes. It isn’t good for me. I won’t be able to skip classes once I leave for university.
I had art today also and my printmaking instructor told me that she can see a great potential inside of me. She says she can see how artistic and thoughtful I am. I appreciate the thought but I wish she wouldn’t tell me. At first, it feels good to know that someone thinks of you like that but then you get an unsettling feeling because what happens if you fail to meet their expectations? What happens when you aren’t the person they thought you were? That’s the bad part. I’ve disappointed some instructors before and it is a horrible feeling. They are left feeling irritated and annoyed with you because they know you can do it. You just don’t. I think a large part of me not accomplishing things is because of my mental illness. I’m trying to get better, though.
Overall, it wasn’t a bad day. I did sleep a lot, though.


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